Hello, friends. *extremely Jim Nance voice* I am Blakey Locks and I will be your guide this March. Every round I am going to traverse you through the trials and tribulations of betting your mortgage on 18-year-olds playing basketball. From Duke to Seton Hall to Gardner Webb, I will give you the knowledge necessary to conquer your bookie and feed your children. We will win together, lose together and laugh together. Let’s ride.
NCAA Tournament Record- (12-8)
First Round- Friday 3/22
Yesterday was quite the day. By the late slate of games, I was EXHAUSTED and I had not left my couch all day. The grind of sweating out every single one of those games is the definition of brutality. I actually penned a hand-written note to our dear President, nominating myself for a Congressional Medal of Honor due to the amount of service I put in yesterday.
I’m not gonna lie, when I started the day 0-3 I was VERY nervous. I thought this whole thing was going to go off the rails really quick. But I went a dominant 4-0 in the 7:00 PM slate to get back to even and then finished the night with a couple more winners. I couldn’t be more excited about today. Let’s cook.
All lines as of 10:30 AM EST 3/22 via BetOnline
12:15 PM on CBS (10) Iowa vs. (7) Cincinnati (-4.5) o/u 137.5
A lot of people are hating on Iowa because they had a lot of lucky wins this year. Well in the tournament it’s better to be lucky than good. This team has a little magic around them and the B1G is dominating so far. Go Hawks.
The Pick: Iowa +4.5
12:40 PM on TruTV (9) Oklahoma vs. (8) Ole Miss (-1) o/u 142.5
Ole Miss’ Devontae Shuler will be the best player on the court in this game. As Ja Morant proved yesterday, sometimes that makes all the difference. Hotty Toddy.
The Pick: Ole Miss -1
1:30 PM on TNT (14) Northern Kentucky vs. (3) Texas Tech (-12) o/u 136.5
Ouch. Monster burn from Chuck. No recovering from such an “epic diss.” Texas Tech’s defense is the best in the nation and Chris Beard is an awesome coach. Northern Kentucky won’t be able to score the basketball. Red Raiders roll.
The Pick: Texas Tech (-12)
2:00 PM on TBS (13) UC-Irvine vs. (4) Kansas State (-4.5) o/u 119
The big story here is that Kansas State’s best player, Dean Wade, will be out for this game and probably the whole tournament if they advance. With him, Kansas State is still 303rd in the nation in PPG. The team can’t score and they’re missing their best scorer. UC-Irvine is a super trendy pick but I’m taking it anyways. Go Eaters.
The Pick: UC-Irvine +4.5
2:45 PM on CBS (15) Colgate vs. (2) Tennessee (-17) o/u 148
These three tweets are all of the reasoning I need. If Colgate is ice cold then they might lose by 40. But I think they’re going to play very loose with nothing to lose and hit a lot of shots. *insert toothpaste joke here*
The Pick: Colgate +17
3:10 PM on TruTV (16) Gardner Webb vs. (1) Virginia (-21.5) o/u 129.5
This is a flat out statement game for UVA. They want to come out and slit Gardner Webb’s throats at mid-court and then slam dunk their skulls. The Hoos are going to put on a display we’ve never seen from a Tony Bennett led offense. Kyle Guy is going for 40. Book it. Wahoowa.
The Pick: UVA -21.5
4:00 PM on TNT (11) Arizona State vs. (6) Buffalo (-5) o/u 157.5
Bobby ****** Hurley’s first head coaching job was at Buffalo before he came to Arizona State. Well, the program he left is actually the favorite in this game and has been a Top 25 team at points this season. The Buffs have flown relatively under the radar all year and I think this matchup against their old coach is the perfect time to prove themselves.
The Pick: Buffalo -5
4:30 PM on TBS (12) Oregon vs. (5) Wisconsin (-2) o/u 117
Dear god. This might be the best or the worst tweet that’s ever been tweeted. Maybe both? Either way, I actually agree with Rovell here. I think the Oregon love is too much. Before the PAC 12 tournament, they would have been 6 or 7 point dogs to Wisconsin. I think the Badgers get it done and move on.
The Pick: Wisconsin -2
*NOTE* I’m going rapid fire the rest of the way to make sure I get all of these picks out on time. Let’s go.
6:50 PM on TNT (9) Washington vs. (8) Utah State (-3) o/u 135.5
Utes are a really good team. The PAC-12 stinks. Utes.
The Pick: Utah State -3
7:10 PM on CBS (16) North Dakota St. vs. (1) Duke (-27) o/u 148.5
Your boy Blakey Locks will actually be in attendance at this game. And do you know who I’m going to be cheering for? My Bison. Fuck Dook.
The Pick: North Dakota State +27
7:20 PM on TBS (14) Georgia State vs. (3) Houston (-12) o/u 141.5
Georgia State is capable of coming out and making 1,000 3’s in this game. They are a top 20 three point shooting team in the nation and I think they have a legit shot here. I know Houston is good but I am not all in on them yet.
The Pick: Georgia State +12
7:27 PM on TruTV (12) Liberty vs. (5) Mississippi State (-6.5) o/u 133
The SEC has sucked so far in this tournament. Liberty can light it up from deep and plays at a grind it out pace. I think that gives them a great chance to cover this game.
The Pick: Liberty +6.5
9:20 PM on TNT (16) Iona vs. (1) North Carolina (-22) o/u 167
Last night I took Kentucky and Gonzaga on these monster spreads and they both covered with no sweat. I think UNC does the same. They are so athletic that they’re going to run up and down the floor and score 100 points.
The Pick: UNC -22
9:40 PM on CBS (9) UCF vs. (8) VCU (+1) o/u 126
This is the other game your boy will be in attendance for. I get to see my king, Tacko Fall, in person which is an exhilarating prospect. This game is going to be a grind with a lot of defense and a lot of missed shots. But I’m cheering for Tacko.
Pick: UCF -1
9:50 PM on TBS (11) Ohio State vs. (6) Iowa State (-5.5) o/u 140
Here’s a take: I think Ohio State is a bad basketball team and Iowa State is a good basketball team. That is all.
Pick: Iowa State -5.5
9:57 PM on TruTV (13) Saint Louis vs. (4) Virginia Tech (-10) o/u 126
I think Virginia Tech has the potential to make a deep run in this tournament. St. Louis is not a very good team and I think with the return of Justin Robinson Tech will be looking to come out and dominate.
The Pick: VT -10
It’s going to be another massive day, boys and girls. Let’s have a fantastic time watching college basketball and make a SHIT LOAD of money. I can’t wait.